Sunday's Funnies

Take a dog on your next picnic

Italian Golfer

An 80-year-old Italian goes to the doctor
for a check-up. The doctor is amazed at
what good shape the guy is in and asks,
"How do you stay in such
great physical condition?"

"I'm Italian and I am a golfer," says the old guy.
"I'm up well before daylight and out golfing.
I have a glass of vino, and all is well.'

"Well" says the doctor, "I'm sure that helps,
but there's got to be more to it. How old was your
Father when he died?"

"Who said my Father's dead?"

The doctor is amazed. "You mean you're
80 years old and your Father's still alive?
How old is he?"

"He's 100 years old," says the Old Italian golfer..
"In fact he golfed with me this morning, and then
we went to the topless beach for a walk and had
a little vino and that's why he's still alive.
He's Italian and he's a golfer, too.."

"Well," the doctor says, "that's great, but I'm
sure there's more to it than that. How
about your Father's Father? How
old was he when he died?"

"Who said my Nono's dead?"

Stunned, the doctor asks, "you mean you're
80 years old and your grandfather's
still living! Incredible, how old is he?"

"He's 118 years old," says the Old Italian golfer.

The doctor is getting frustrated at this point,
"So, I guess he went golfing with you this
morning, too?"

"No, Nono couldn't go this morning because
he's getting married today."

At this point the doctor is close to losing it.
"Getting married!! Why would a 118 year- old
guy want to get married?"

"Who said he wanted to?"

OOPS!
Roy, an undertaker, came home with a
black eye.

"What happened to you?" asked his wife."

"I had a terrible day," replies Roy.
"I had to go to a hotel and pick up a man
who had died in his sleep. When I got there,
the manager said they couldn't get him into a
body bag because he had this huge erection.

Anyway, I find the room and, sure enough,
there's this big naked guy lying on the bed
with this huge erection.
So I grabbed it with both hands and tried to
snap it in half."

"I see," says his wife. "But how did you get
the black eye?"

Roy: "Wrong room."