Finding Family

It has been 24 years since I have seen my sister, Lindsey. The last time I saw her, she was just barely two months old. Which means, I had no contact with my father either for all that time. So many years have passed. And though I tried many times to locate either of them..I always came up empty. But yesterday, my husband, Wil, did some looking and his search was a success. After a few emails on MySpace, I spoke to my sister for almost two hours last night..then..gathered my courage up, and called my father. I discovered my grandparents have passed on. I have uncles I have never met..cousins that I did not know existed.

For years I wondered where he was. If we were driving, I would look up into the trucks that sped passed to see if it was my father. He was never far from my thoughts. Neither was my sister. and now..I find out I have a brother also. Jeramiah.

My father has said he would be looking into taking a trip out here to Chicago this summer. I look forward to seeing him. Having him meet my husband. Telling him about his grandchildren. Reconnecting as adults.

I wish I could put into words how I feel. I am amazed..thrilled..and..scared to see him. And I can not understand why I feel a nervousness where it concerns him. For years..growing up..I always dreamed he would come rescue me from the hell that was my life due to my mother's 2nd husband. Many people tell me I should just grow up and forget what had happened to me. But he never did. And it is partly my fault. If I had kept in touch..made sure the lines of communication were open..my life might be a little different now.

But that is then..this is now. I find I need to have a relationship with my father..and my siblings. For too long I have felt so utterly alone. For too long I have kept to myself.

I look forward to seeing him and maybe..my sister and brother.