Jokes & Funnies

BUBBA & COOTER'S

SUREFIRE PICK UP LINES

1) Did you fart?
cuz you blew me away.

2) Are yer parents retarded?
cuz ya sure are special.

3) My Love fer you is like diarrhea
I can't hold it in.

4) Do you have a library card?
cuz I'd like to sign you out

5) Is there a mirror in yer pants?
cuz I can see myself in em.

6) If you was a tree & I was a Squirrel,
I'd store my nuts in yer hole.

7) You might not be the best lookin girl here,
but beauty's only a light switch away.

8) Man - 'Fat Penguin!'
Woman - 'WHAT?'
Man - 'I just wanted to say something that would break the ice.'

9) I know I'm not no Fred Flintstone,
but I bet I can make yer bed-rock.

10) I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him?
I think he went inta this cheap motel room...

11) Yer eyes are as blue as winder cleaner.

12) If yer gunna regret this in the mornin,
we kin sleep til afternoon.

AND.. the best for last!

13) Yer face reminds me of a wrench,
every time I think of it, my nuts tighten up

Too funny...I could not resist lol

For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman.
One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant.
Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, He paid
her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the
child. If she stayed in Italy
to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the
child turned 18. She agreed, but asked how he would know when
the baby was born.
To keep it discreet, he told her to simply mail him a post card,
and write 'Spaghetti' on the back. He would then arrange for the child
support payments to begin. One day,about 9 months later,
he came home to his confused wife.
'Honey, she said, you received a very strange post card today.'
'Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later,' he said. The wife did
and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.

On the card was written:
'Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti
Three with meatballs, two without - Send extra sauce .


LMFAO!!

Happy Halloween & Friday's Funnies!

Listening To: Local H - Bound For The Floor
via FoxyTunes

TMI Tuesday!!

1. Is there a TV show you HAVE to watch? If so, what is it?

On this one there are several HBO shows that I watch
or have watched religiously.
The first being The Sopranos.

The second being Rome.

Third is Big Love.


2. What is you favorite drink if you are going to drink more than one?
Everyday beverage is water. I drink
anywhere from 2 to 5 bottles a day.

When it comes to alcohol, it is Bud.


3. How long do you carry guilt around with you?
Depends on the infraction.
But truthfully, a long time before I
finally shrug it off and forget it.


4. Where is or would be your number one romantic get away spot?
Well...at this time my answer would
have to be, anywhere but home. Or some beach..no one around but me and the Commander...relaxing, and enjoying peace & quiet.


5. Have you ever seen a counselor?
Yes. As a young kid my mother and so called
step father had me see a therapist.
Needless to say..he stopped letting me go cause
he said I went there to color and have fun. When in
truth, he just did not want me to tell about
how he treated me.
Bonus (as in optional): Last summer the Archives of Sexual Behavior,
the 237 reasons people have sex and the
Top 50 Reasons Men and Women Have Sex.
What are your top 5 reasons?

4. I wanted to show my affection to the person
16. I wanted to feel connected to the person.
18. It was a romantic setting.
36. I wanted to communicate at a "deeper" level.
41. I wanted to keep my partner satisfied.



Those are 5 I chose from the list.

Want to join the fun? Clink here -->TMI!

Singing Along To: Eurythmics - Sweet Dreams Are Made Of This
via FoxyTunes

Mute Monday!

Square Dancin To: Lester Flatt & Earl Scruggs - Dueling Banjos
via FoxyTunes