Sunday's Funnies

Take a dog on your next picnic

Italian Golfer

An 80-year-old Italian goes to the doctor
for a check-up. The doctor is amazed at
what good shape the guy is in and asks,
"How do you stay in such
great physical condition?"

"I'm Italian and I am a golfer," says the old guy.
"I'm up well before daylight and out golfing.
I have a glass of vino, and all is well.'

"Well" says the doctor, "I'm sure that helps,
but there's got to be more to it. How old was your
Father when he died?"

"Who said my Father's dead?"

The doctor is amazed. "You mean you're
80 years old and your Father's still alive?
How old is he?"

"He's 100 years old," says the Old Italian golfer..
"In fact he golfed with me this morning, and then
we went to the topless beach for a walk and had
a little vino and that's why he's still alive.
He's Italian and he's a golfer, too.."

"Well," the doctor says, "that's great, but I'm
sure there's more to it than that. How
about your Father's Father? How
old was he when he died?"

"Who said my Nono's dead?"

Stunned, the doctor asks, "you mean you're
80 years old and your grandfather's
still living! Incredible, how old is he?"

"He's 118 years old," says the Old Italian golfer.

The doctor is getting frustrated at this point,
"So, I guess he went golfing with you this
morning, too?"

"No, Nono couldn't go this morning because
he's getting married today."

At this point the doctor is close to losing it.
"Getting married!! Why would a 118 year- old
guy want to get married?"

"Who said he wanted to?"

OOPS!
Roy, an undertaker, came home with a
black eye.

"What happened to you?" asked his wife."

"I had a terrible day," replies Roy.
"I had to go to a hotel and pick up a man
who had died in his sleep. When I got there,
the manager said they couldn't get him into a
body bag because he had this huge erection.

Anyway, I find the room and, sure enough,
there's this big naked guy lying on the bed
with this huge erection.
So I grabbed it with both hands and tried to
snap it in half."

"I see," says his wife. "But how did you get
the black eye?"

Roy: "Wrong room."

Wednesday's Whoops!

Ok..I am NOT trying to copy Wil's Blog
But I saw this and was just utterly
shocked. It is amazing how some people
survive life.

Some More Funnies..

Two guys are drinking in a bar.

One says: "Did you know that
Moose have sex 10 to 15 times
a night?"

"Aw shit..," says his friend,
"and I just joined the VFW!"


Peach Farmer

A farmer was selling his peaches
door to door.
He knocked on a door and a shapely 30 something
woman dressed in a very sheer negligee answered the door.

He raised his basket to show her
the peaches and asked,
'Would you like to buy some peaches?'

She pulled the top of the negligee
to one side and asked,
'Are they as firm as this?'

He nodded his head and said,
'Yes ma'am,' and a little a tear ran from
his eye.

Then she pulled the other side of her negligee off asking,
'Are they nice and pink like this?'

The farmer said, Yes,' and another tear came from the other eye..

She unbuttoned the bottom of her
negligee and asked,
'Are they as fuzzy as this?'

He again said, 'Yes,'
and broke down crying.

She asked, 'Why on earth are you crying?'

Drying his eyes he replied,
''The drought got my corn, the flood got my soy beans, a tornado
leveled my barn, and now I think I'm gonna get screwed out of my peaches.

Just Some Funnies

Q How can a man tell his woman

is too fat for him?
A When she sits on his face,
he can't hear the stereo.


While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside
restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal,
they left the restaurant and resumed their trip.
When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her
glasses on the table and she didn't miss them until
they had been driving about twenty minutes.
All the way back to retrieve the glasses,
the husband became the classic grouchy old man.
He fussed and complained and scolded his wife relentlessly
during the entire return drive.
The more he chided her -- the more agitated
he became. He just wouldn't let up.
To her relief, they finally arrived at the restaurant.
As the woman got out of the car and hurried inside
to retrieve her glasses, the old geezer yelled
to her, 'While you're in there, you might as well
get my hat and the credit card!


A man was driving when a traffic camera flashed.
He thought his picture was taken for exceeding
the speed limit, even though he knew he was
not speeding.

Just to be sure, he went around the block and
passed the same spot, driving even more slowly,
but again the camera flashed.

He thought this was quite funny, so he slowed
down even further as he drove past the area, but
the traffic camera flashed yet again.

He tried a fourth time with the same result.
The fifth time he was laughing when the camera \
flashed as he rolled past at a snail's pace.

Two weeks later, he got five traffic fine letters
in the mail for.........
driving without a seat belt.

Your First......

1. Who was your FIRST prom date?
Did not go to Prom

2. Do you still talk to your FIRST love?
Have not seen him since I left NY

3. What was your 1st alcoholic drink?
Bud

4. What was your FIRST job?
Workin for my Aunt in her house

5. What was your FIRST car?
84 Ford Escort Station wagon lol

6. Who was the FIRST person to text you today?
Wil

7. Who is the FIRST person you thought of this morning?
Wil

8. Who was your FIRST grade teacher?
I can not remember her name..but I remember she was
very tall..wide in the rear and smelled like Vicks lol

9. Where did you go on your FIRST ride on an airplane?
Oklahoma

10. Who was your FIRST friend & do you still talk?
Charisse, and yes

11. Where was your FIRST sleep over?
Can not remember

12. Who was the FIRST person you talked to today?
Mike

13. Whose wedding were you in the FIRST time?
Aunt Susie's

14. What was the FIRST thing you did this morning
Went potty then made some eggs

15. What was the FIRST concert you ever went to?
Neil Diamond..don't laugh..I was only 10 lol

16. FIRST tattoo?
Unicorn on my left shoulder

17. First piercing?
-ears

18. First foreign country you've been to
-Canada

19. FIRST movie you remember seeing?
Who comes up with these questions??

20. When was your FIRST detention?
Never had it

21. What was the first state you lived in?
- New York

22. Who was your FIRST roommate?
Danny

23. If you had one wish. What would it be?
to Turn back time...lol gotta love Cher lol


24. What is something you would learn if you had the chance?
learn the ability to read people's minds LMAO

Something Different

While I was on AOL, a friend sent me this
link. So I clicked on it and what I saw was impressive.

Tell me your thoughts...

No musical instruments were used..

at all

Rain

Wil & Heff Scooped again!

David Carradine
At age 72, dies in Bankok


The star of the 1970s TV series "Kung Fu" who also had
a wide-ranging career in the movies, has been found
dead in the Thai capital, Bangkok. A news report said he
was found hanged in his hotel room and was believed
to have committed suicide.

Kung Fu

Kill Bill

December 1936 - June 2009
R.I.P